just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
