So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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