last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
