Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
