Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Congratulations! We have a period
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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