You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
