dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
