I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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