when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love accidental penises.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
