me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You've changed since you got that strap on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
