The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
