Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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