My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
