I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
