Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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