I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Couch. On fire.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
