I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
