A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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