Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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