Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
