White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize