Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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