I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
