saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
