you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
