come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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