Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
