by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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