Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize