the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
