Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have post one night stand depression
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
