its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
