please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize