I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
