where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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