I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
