u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
