apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
