i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
