dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
