HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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