Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
