Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
