My room smells like vodka and shame
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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