I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
