i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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