Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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