I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
