i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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