You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize