Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
