I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
