apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
