The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
