i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
