It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
