guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
