Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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