so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
