For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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