i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
