need another drink. this is the easiest way
no you cant smoke seaweed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
