Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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