Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
