She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
