Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
