I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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