Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
