Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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