My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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