I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
