Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
