And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
