I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
