found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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